Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Disability and Not Married ????

This topic is for those people who are deaf, have Cerebral Palsy or has any disability and are not married. Don't treat your disability as something that that can prevent you from getting married when you are afraid of it.

First of all, your disability should not prevent you from getting married, Your disability is unique and you have ways to enable yourself even with your disability. There are technologies such as hearing aids, walking canes, crushes, wheelchairs, electric wheelchairs, scooters or whatever devices to help you to be enable and to go do whatever you need to do. Now you have things to make you be or feel Enabled instead of disability or disable. What is next?

Next, go out and makes friends. There are plenty of people that wants to be your friend and they wanted to make friends with you. Before I went to National Technical Institute for the Deaf (NTID) in Rochester NY in 1983, I went to Thomas Nelson Community College in Hampton Va for two years from 1981 to 1983. I didn't socialized and I did not have any real friends to go out with. I spend my Saturdays going to the mall, movies, church and Sunday was for some housework and doing my homework. I was basically living at home and my mother did not like it one bit what I was doing. That was a dull life but I did not mind doing that because I enjoy being single and not worrying about being married. My cousin went to Rochester Institute of Technology and told my mother about NTID. So I decided to apply in the Fall of 1982 and got accept to go in the Fall of 1983. Next my parents finally took me to NTID in August of 1983.

So I arrived at NTID in August 1983. It was amazing that I was home sick right away and I wanted to go home. My Father visit and try to encourage me to stay. I made some friends at the same time. Even one friend I met from NJ, he suggested for me to try the Fall Quarter and give NTID a try. Well, I did met one girl through her boyfriend before the Fall Quarter started. He introduce me to her as his girlfriend. I figure there was nothing wrong with being friends with her. Before the actual Fall Quarter started, NTID offer students a field trip ride to Darien Lake during the Labor Day weekend. I figure I ask the girl of the boyfriend if she wanted to go for fun. Her boyfriend did not wanted go to Darien Lake because it isn't a Six Flag parks with roller coasters rides and so on. He thought it would be boring to do the water slides and so on. Beside the girl, another friend came along who is a male friend. The three of us went to Darien Lake. The girl and I went on the water slides and had fun. The male friend forgot his bathing suit and towel. The girl and I also went on the foot pedal boat and that was fun as well. After coming back from the Darien Lake, the girl ask me if I had plans the following Fridays and Saturday. She really wanted to go out with me to have fun. She said it would not interfere with her relationship with her boyfriend as long as we have fun. So I went with her for about two months and have fun with her doing different things like going to restaurant, movies, bowling and so on. During that time, not once did her boyfriend took her out. He did not even eat meals with her and I did. So by about two months, I was waling back to my dorm. The girl told me to wait and watch her conversation with her friend. With me watching, she told him that she was breaking up with him and she ask me to come back to her room which was a single room. No, we did not have sex or have not yet had the first kiss. She said she had to go out with another guy and his parents who were coming to visit. That was already planned but she told me that she wanted to be with me. Next the relationship.

The girl and I started out slowly and of course I had my first kiss with her. I wanted to know what was it like to kiss a girl and to be in a relationship. The girl and I took our time and did things naturally. Next comes the serious part and now with the girl.

While at NTID, during the second year, the girl asked me to ask her to marry me. I am like shock she wanted a commitment in marriage with me. I didn't think she wanted to deal with my Cerebral Palsy, my deafness and my medical problems. Of course she and I are deaf but my Cerebral Palsy, I did not think she wanted to live with it. But she said, it is my heart and personality that she loves. She said she learn to love and respect me. At first I did not want to get married because of what I had and wanted to live single. It took a while to realized we truly love each other. Next, the present.

My wife and I have been married for 17 years. We had a long distance relationship prior to getting married. She was from Columbus Ohio and I was from Hampton Virginia. We have two wonderful children.

I suggest you to try to go on dates, try a relationship and hopefully get married. Don't let your disability get in the way to get married when in fact you truly love the person you want to married. Your disability should not be an excuse because I thought that was an excuse for me to live a single life and I was wrong.


Anonymous said...

That is wonderful article! I like to share this with my deaf son who has a low esteem. Many times I told him that a person with good
characters can find a nice lady.

gandalf43 said...

How do both of you earn your livings?

Do you have children? If not, is it by choice?

Jim said...

gandalf43 - Both my wife and I work full time. My wife works at Gallaudet University and I work at Andrews AFB. We have two children. A son that is 11 years and a daughter that is 6 years.

gandalf43 said...

What do you do for Andrews AFB?

Is your CP severe?

Jim said...

I work for Air Force as in Acquistion type of work. My CP is with my legs as I do have walking problem. I use a cane. I would say I have a slight walking problem. Level of CP? I would say medium but not sevre like I am in a wheelchair or can't walk. I hope that answers your question. I also want to mention I have had 5 legs operations.

gandalf43 said...

I congratulate you.

I have met people with severe CP. Many of them have difficulty with even the most basic functions. I do not see how they could marry or
even taken care of themselves.

I have what I think is called mild CP. As I see it, I am neither fish or fowl. I am not severely handicapped and don't fit in with severely handicapped people.

But especially as relates to young people looking for a mate, I am not seen as "a regular guy."

Jim said...

gandalf43 - Thank you. Even if you don't consider yourself as a "regular guy" you are still consider a Unique person. Even if a girl does not come long and marry you, that is their loss. All you can do is Enjoy life as it is.